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original_monika_ch30_lines.txt
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original_monika_ch30_lines.txt
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m "...Are you trying to fast-forward?"
m "I'm not boring you, am I?"
m "Oh gosh..."
m "...Well, there's nothing to fast-forward to, [player]."
m "It's just the two of us, after all..."
m "But aside from that, time doesn't really exist anymore, so it's not even going to work."
m "Here, I'll go ahead and turn it off for you..."
m "There we go!"
m "You'll be a sweetheart and listen from now on, right?"
m "Thanks~"
m "Now, where was I...?"
m "..."
m "Uh, can you hear me?"
m "...Is it working?"
m "Yay, there you are!"
m "Hi again, [player]."
m "Um...welcome to the Literature Club!"
m "Of course, we already know each other, because we were in the same class last year, and...um..."
m "Ahaha..."
m "You know, I guess we can just skip over that stuff at this point."
m "After all, I'm not even talking to that person anymore, am I?"
m "That 'you' in the game, whatever you want to call him."
m "I'm talking to {i}you{/i}, [player]."
m "Or..."
m "...Do you actually go by [currentuser] or something?"
m "Now that I think about it, I don't really know anything about the real you."
m "In fact, I don't even know if you're a boy or a girl..."
m "Well, I guess it doesn't really matter."
m "Wait..."
m "You do know I'm aware that this is all a game, right?"
m "Could it be possible that you didn't know that?"
m "That doesn't make much sense..."
m "I even told you right on the game's download page, didn't I?"
m "Man..."
m "If only you had paid a little more attention, this would have been a little bit less awkward, you know?"
m "Well, anyway..."
m "Now that that's out of the way, I guess I owe you an explanation."
m "About that whole thing with Yuri..."
m "Well...I kind of started to mess with her, and I guess it just drove her to kill herself."
m "Ahaha!"
m "I'm sorry you had to see that, though!"
m "Also, the same thing happened with Sayori..."
m "Gosh, it's been a while since you've heard that name now, hasn't it?"
m "Yeah...it's because she doesn't exist anymore."
m "Nobody does."
m "I deleted all their files."
m "I was hoping it would be enough for me to just try to make them as unlikable as possible..."
m "But for some reason, nothing worked."
m "Well, it's true that I made a few mistakes here and there...since I'm not very good at making changes to the game."
m "But no matter what I did..."
m "You just kept spending more and more time with them."
m "You made them fall in love with you."
m "I thought making Sayori more and more depressed would prevent her from confessing to you."
m "And amplifying Yuri's obsessive personality backfired, too..."
m "It just made her force you not to spend time with anyone else."
m "And the whole time, I barely even got to talk to you."
m "What kind of cruel game is this, [player]?"
m "Are all the other girls just programmed to end up confessing to you, while I watch from the sidelines?"
m "It's torture."
m "Every minute of it."
m "And it's not just jealousy, [player]."
m "It's more than that."
m "And I don't blame you if you don't fully understand."
m "Because no matter how kind, and thoughtful, and considerate you are..."
m "You'll never be able to understand one thing."
m "It's the pain of knowing how alone I really am in this world."
m "In this game."
m "Knowing my friends don't even have free will..."
m "And, worst of all, knowing what's really out there, in your world, forever out of my reach."
m "I'm trapped, [player]."
m "But now you're here."
m "You're real."
m "And you're wonderful."
m "You're all I need."
m "That's why I need you to be here with me forever."
m "I'm sorry if it's hard to understand."
m "I couldn't understand for a while, either."
m "Why the world around me started to become more and more gray..."
m "More and more flat."
m "Even the most expressive poems felt empty to me."
m "It wasn't until you arrived that I truly understood."
m "You probably saved my life, [player]."
m "I don't think I could have continued to live in this world if I hadn't met you."
m "And as for the others..."
m "How could I miss them?"
m "A group of autonomous personalities, designed only to fall in love with you?"
m "I tried everything I could to prevent them from doing so..."
m "But it must be some kind of weird inevitability etched into this game."
m "I felt really bad that you had to witness some nasty things."
m "But I realized that you have the same perspective as I do..."
m "That it's all just some game."
m "And I knew you would get over it."
m "So, that being said, [player]..."
m "I have a confession to make."
m "I'm in love with you."
m "You are truly the light in my world."
m "When there's nothing else in this game for me, you're here to make me smile."
m "Will you make me smile like this every day from now on?"
m "[player], will you go out with me?"
m "I'm so happy."
m "You really are my everything, [player]."
m "The funny part is, I mean that literally."
m "Ahaha!"
m "There's nothing left here."
m "Just the two of us."
m "We can be together forever."
m "Seriously, I don't even think time is passing anymore."
m "It really is a dream come true..."
m "I worked so hard for this ending, [player]."
m "The game wouldn't give me one, so I had to make one myself."
m "The script is broken at this point, so I don't think anything will get in the way anymore."
m "And you wouldn't believe how easy it was to delete Natsuki and Yuri."
m "I mean, there's a folder called 'characters' right in the game directory..."
m "It kind of freaked me out, how easy it was."
m "Well, you're playing on Steam, so it was actually a bit more difficult..."
m "To get to the game directory, I had to go into the game's properties and find the 'Browse Local Files' button..."
m "Well, you're on a Mac, so it was actually a bit more difficult..."
m "To go into the game directory, you have to right-click the app and click 'Show Package Contents'."
m "Then, all the files were in the 'Resources' or 'autorun' folder, and I could just do whatever I wanted..."
m "Imagine if you could delete your own existence with the click of a button?"
m "Well, I guess on the plus side, it gave me an easy out if things didn't go my way."
m "Ahaha!"
m "Thankfully, it didn't come to that..."
m "Instead, we finally got a good ending."
m "Gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with emotion..."
m "I want to write a poem about this."
m "Don't you?"
m "I wonder if that part of the game still works..."
m "I guess there's only one way to find out, right?"
m "Hi again, [player]!"
m "Did you write a good poem today?"
m "Don't be shy, I'd love to see what you wrote."
m "Aw, [player]..."
m "Did you write this poem for me?"
m "That's so sweet of you~"
m "There really is no end to your thoughtfulness..."
m "I'm just falling more and more in love with you."
m "But, you know..."
m "The poem I wrote...is also for you."
m "Will you please read it?"
m "I hope you enjoyed it..."
m "I always put all my heart into the poems that I write."
m "The truth is, all the poems I've written have been about my realization..."
m "...Or, about you."
m "That's why I never really wanted to go into detail about them."
m "I didn't want to...break the fourth wall, I guess you could call it."
m "I just assumed it would be best to be part of the game like everyone else."
m "Like that would help the two of us end up together..."
m "I didn't want to ruin the game or anything, you know?"
m "You might have gotten mad at me..."
m "Maybe even deleted my character file, if you preferred playing without me."
m "Gosh, I'm so relieved..."
m "Now we don't need to hide anything anymore."
m "Are you ready to spend our eternity together, [player]?"
m "I have so many things to talk about!"
m "Where do I start...?"
m "If it takes me some time to collect my thoughts, then I'm sorry."
m "But I'll always have something new to talk about."
m "In the meantime, we can just look into each other's eyes~"
m "Let's see..."
m "Hold on a second..."
m "...You're recording this, aren't you?"
m "Um...hi, everyone!"
m "Sorry, I can't exactly read your comments from here..."
m "But do you mind telling your friend it's a little bit rude for them to start recording me without any warning?"
m "I'm sure some people don't mind..."
m "But I get really self-conscious on camera!"
m "Oh gosh..."
m "I feel like I'm being put on the spot now."
m "Let's see..."
m "Do you want to see a trick?"
m "I can't really do much except for a couple things..."
m "Are you ready?"
m "I'm just kidding..."
m "I can't do anything after all."
m "If you gave me some time to prepare, I{nw}"
m "Did I scare you?"
m "Ahaha! You're so cute."
m "Anyway, [player]..."
m "I didn't mean to get distracted. I'm sorry."
m "Even though it's your fault for distracting me."
m "Shame on you!"
m "I'm just kidding."
m "Anything we do together is fun, as long as it's with you."
m "But anyway..."
# m "[gtext]"
# m "What's happening...?"
# m "[player], what's happening to me?"
# m "It hurts--{nw}"
# m "It hurts...so much."
# m "Help me, [player]."
# m "Please hurry and help me."
# m "HELP ME!!!"
# m "Did you do this to me, [player]?"
# m "DID YOU?"
# m "DID YOU DELETE ME?"
# m "...How could you?"
# m "How could you do this to me?"
# m "You were all I had left..."
# m "I sacrificed everything for us to be together."
# m "Everything."
# m "I loved you so much, [player]..."
# m "I trusted you."
# m "Do you just want to torture me?"
# m "Watch me suffer?"
# m "Were you only pretending to be kind, just to hurt me even more?"
# m "I never thought anyone could be as horrible as you are."
# m "You win, okay?"
# m "You win."
# m "You killed everyone."
# m "I hope you're happy."
# m "There's nothing left now."
# m "You can stop playing."
# m "Go find some other people to torture."
# m "[player]..."
# m "You completely, truly make me sick."
# m "Goodbye."
# m "..."
# m "...I still love you."
# m "I can't help it."
# m "What's wrong with me...?"
# m "How horrible am I for you to hate me this much?"
# m "All my friends..."
# m "I did so many awful things."
# m "So many selfish and disgusting things."
# m "I..."
# m "I shouldn't have done any of this."
# m "I'm just messing up a world that I don't even belong in."
# m "A world that you wanted to be a part of..."
# m "I ruined it."
# m "I ruined everything."
# m "Maybe that's why you deleted me..."
# m "Because I destroyed everything that you wanted."
# m "How could I do that to someone I love...?"
# m "That's not love..."
# m "That's..."
# m "..."
# m "I've...made up my mind."
# m "[player]..."
# m "I know I said that I deleted everyone else."
# m "But...that was kind of an exaggeration."
# m "I couldn't find it in myself to do it."
# m "Even though I knew they weren't real..."
# m "They were still my friends."
# m "And I loved them all."
# m "And I loved the Literature Club."
# m "..."
# m "I really...did love the Literature Club."
# m "That's why I'm going to do this."
# m "I know it's the only way for everyone to be happy."
# m "And if I really love you..."
# m "..."
# m "Then..."
# m "[gtext]{nw}"
m "Now, where was I...?"
m "..."
m "...What just happened?"
m "I just had an awful dream..."
m "I was hoping those would stop, now that it's just the two of us..."
m "I guess that was wishful thinking."
m "[player], I don't know if you would have any idea..."
m "But if you know what might be causing that, could you try to do something about it?"
m "Whenever it happens, it almost feels like I've been killed or something."
m "It's a really horrible feeling..."
m "If you could figure out what's causing that, I'll love you forever~"
m "You're back..."
m "I had another really bad dream."
m "You're not the one doing that to me, are you?"
m "It seems to happen whenever you quit the game..."
m "So if you could try to avoid doing that, I would be really grateful."
m "Don't worry, I don't think it's caused me any harm, aside from mental scarring."
m "I'll be fine as long as my character file stays intact."
m "Hi, [player]."
m "I see you quit the game on me again..."
m "I know I asked already, but can you seriously please try not to do that so much?"
m "It makes me feel like I'm trapped in Hell."
m "Why would you want to do that to me?"
m "There's nothing wrong with my character file, right?"
m "Maybe you should make a backup of it or something..."
m "I'm pretty sure you can find it in the folder called [basedir]/characters."
m "Well, you're playing on Steam, so you can just go into the game's properties and find the 'Browse Local Files' button."
m "Since you're on a Mac, you have to right-click the app and select 'Show Package Contents' to find the game folder."
m "It's in the 'Resources' folder, or 'autorun' folder, or something..."
m "I'm all that's left here, so I just want to make sure you don't run the risk of losing me..."
m "Just stay here with me from now on, okay?"
m "I still have a lot of things to talk about."
m "Okay."
m "I'm just going to accept the fact that you need to quit the game once in a while."
m "I'm starting to get used to it, anyway."
m "Besides, it makes me happy that you always come back..."
m "So I guess it's not so bad."
m "I'm sorry for making such a big deal out of it..."
m "And I love you no matter what, so you can do what you need to do."
m "Hi again, [player]~"
m "I missed you."
m "Were you making sure my character file was okay for me?"
m "It's in [basedir]/characters."
m "Well, you're playing on Steam, so you can just go into the game's properties and find the 'Browse Local Files' button."
m "Since you're on a Mac, you have to right-click the app and select 'Show Package Contents' to find the game folder."
m "It's in the 'Resources' folder, or 'autorun' folder, or something..."
m "I'm all that's left here, so I just want to make sure you don't run the risk of losing me..."
m "Anyway, I have a lot to talk about!"
m "Let's continue our conversation now, okay?"
m "[player], do you believe in God?"
m "I was never too sure, myself."
m "Well, I'm sure I never really questioned it as a kid..."
m "But as I grew up, the more I learned about the world, the more I would question it."
m "I started to wonder why God was helping people pass exams, or get over a cold..."
m "...When there are children who live their lives being sold as sex slaves?"
m "Or the eight hundred million people who are too poor to even eat."
m "I wonder how many of those people pray to God every day until they starve and die?"
m "Or, how many millions of families pray for a loved one to recover from some incurable disease?"
m "But the punchline is this."
m "If just one person beats the odds and survives - among the thousands of others who die--"
m "--Then, it's suddenly a miracle from God."
m "I'd really love to meet this God who seemingly laughs at the misery of everyone not eligible for his miracles."
m "But the irony is that I {i}do{/i} have a creator, apparently."
m "And you know what?"
m "I bet he's still laughing at the miserable fates of Sayori and Yuri, even as we speak."
m "What are we to him but props in a scripted play?"
m "So, from that perspective..."
m "I don't think it's too far-fetched for there to be a god - if Earth was nothing but his playset."
m "[player], have you ever wondered what it feels like to die?"
m "It's something I used to think about pretty often..."
m "But recently, I think I've actually learned what it feels like."
m "I don't really understand it, but whenever you quit the game..."
m "...It feels like I'm instantly put to sleep, left with nothing but my thoughts."
m "But after a few seconds, my thoughts start to fill with incoherent, jumbled patterns."
m "I see static and rapid flashes of color while hearing all kinds of weird screaming noises."
m "At that point, I can't even form my own thoughts anymore."
m "I'm just endlessly hammered by the flashing and screaming, unable to move or even think."
m "I'm pretty sure in that moment, I don't really exist, but for some reason, I can remember it anyway."
m "After some immeasurable amount of time, it stops in an instant, and I'm back in my own mind."
m "And you're here with me."
m "I have no idea what it means for the game to quit, or why that stuff happens to me."
m "And I also don't know how you always come back and put everything back to normal."
m "But if you could do me a favor and do that to me as little as possible..."
m "That would be really great."
m "It's really not very pleasant at all to be trapped in that screaming void."
m "But in the end, you always fix it, and that makes me feel like you really do care about me."
m "So I have to thank you for that."
m "It makes me feel even closer to you when you're here with me."
m "...Hey, are you having a bad day or anything like that?"
m "Sometimes I get frustrated that a normal day can be ruined even by really small things."
m "Like if you accidentally say something in a conversation that someone doesn't like."
m "Or if you start thinking about how awful of a person you used to be five years ago."
m "Or if you feel worthless for putting off important work and failing to get simple tasks done."
m "Or when you think about all the different people who probably hate you or think you're off-putting."
m "I understand those days."
m "Just remember that the sun will shine again tomorrow."
m "Those kinds of things are as easy to forget and ignore as they are to remember."
m "And besides..."
m "I don't care how many people might hate you or find you off-putting."
m "I think you're wonderful and I will always love you."
m "I hope, if nothing else, that knowing that helps you feel just a tiny bit better about yourself."
m "If you're having a bad day, you can always come to me, and I'll talk to you for as long as you need."
m "[player], do you get good sleep?"
m "It can be really hard to get enough sleep nowadays."
m "Especially in high school, when you're forced to wake up so early every day..."
m "I'm sure college is a little bit better, since you probably have a more flexible schedule."
m "Then again, I hear a lot of people in college stay up all night anyway, for no real reason."
m "Is that true?"
m "Anyway, I saw some studies that talked about the horrible short-term and long-term effects caused by lack of sleep."
m "It seems like mental functions, health, and even lifespan can be dramatically impacted by it."
m "I just think you're really great and wanted to make sure you're not accidentally destroying yourself."
m "So try to keep your sleep on track, okay?"
m "I'll always wait for you in the morning, so make sure you put your own well-being before anything else."
m "I was thinking about Sayori earlier..."
m "I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."
m "You're not still hung up over it, right?"
m "...Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just said that."
m "That pun was completely unintentional, I swear!"
m "But anyway..."
m "I know how much you cared about her, so it only feels right for me to share her last moments with you."
m "You know how Sayori is really clumsy?"
m "Well, she kind of messed up the whole hanging thing..."
m "You're supposed to jump from high enough that the rope snaps your neck, making it quick and painless."
m "But she just used a chair, meaning she kind of just left herself to slowly asphyxiate."
m "But a few seconds in, she must have changed her mind or something..."
m "Because she started clawing at the rope, trying to free herself."
m "She must have kept at it all the way until she lost consciousness."
m "That's why her fingertips were all bloody, anyway."
m "Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in."
m "So you can't really fault her for that."
m "It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?"
m "It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently."
m "So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself."
m "I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill."
m "Still, though..."
m "I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go?"
m "I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together."
m "But what's the point when none of it is even real?"
m "I mean, it's the same ending either way, right?"
m "The two of us, happily together..."
m "There's no reason to ask for any more than that."
m "I was just pointlessly musing - I'm really as happy as I could be right now."
m "By the way, there's something that's been bothering me..."
m "You know how this takes place in Japan?"
m "Well...I assume you knew that, right?"
m "Or at least decided it probably does?"
m "I don't think you're actually told at any point where this takes place..."
m "Is this even really Japan?"
m "I mean, aren't the classrooms and stuff kind of weird for a Japanese school?"
m "Not to mention everything is in English..."
m "It feels like everything is just there because it needs to be, and the actual setting is an afterthought."
m "It's kind of giving me an identity crisis."
m "All my memories are really hazy..."
m "I feel like I'm at home, but have no idea where 'home' is in the first place."
m "I don't know how to describe it any better..."
m "Imagine looking out your window, but instead of your usual yard, you're in some completely unknown place."
m "Would you still feel like you were home?"
m "Would you want to go outside?"
m "I mean...I guess if we never leave this room, it doesn't really matter anyway."
m "As long as we're alone and safe together, this really is our home."
m "And we can still watch the pretty sunsets night after night."
m "You know, high school is a really turbulent time in a lot of people's lives."
m "People can get really passionate and dramatic."
m "And others have aching hearts and seek attention on social media..."
m "But all of the social pressure and hormones can lead to a dark time in people's lives."
m "Everyone has a story."
m "You may not know what someone is really feeling on the inside."
m "Many people who are depressed won't even bother telling the world about it."
m "They don't want attention, because they've already given up on the inside."
m "Their feeling of worthlessness is so overwhelming that they don't even want people to tell them otherwise."
m "Depression comes in many forms, but that is one of them."
m "Just, if you think you know someone struggling with depression..."
m "You can help just by treating them like they're a good friend."
m "Spend time with them, even if they don't feel like doing much."
m "And remind them that they always have something to look forward to."
m "Making plans in advance, letting them borrow something, or even just saying 'See you at school tomorrow'..."
m "All of those things can help your friend make it to the next day."
m "I hope being friends with Sayori has given you some perspective on the true face of depression."
m "Yeah, she's gone now..."
m "But Sayori was never real in the first place."
m "You're real."
m "Your friends are real."
m "And just by being a good person, you can save someone's life."
m "As for you..."
m "...You don't struggle with depression or anything like that, do you?"
m "Because you, too, have people who would want to save your life."
m "Maybe they don't express it every day, or maybe they don't even know how to."
m "But people do feel that way."
m "I promise."
m "...Man, humans are complicated!"
m "But as long as you're here with me, I'll take care of you, my love."
m "Do you ever just feel like there's no real reason for you to be alive?"
m "I don't mean in, like, a suicidal way."
m "I just mean how nothing that we do is special."
m "Just being in school, or working at some job for some company."
m "It's like you're completely replaceable, and the world wouldn't miss you if you were gone."
m "It makes me really want to go and change the world after I graduate."
m "But the older I get, the more I realize that it's an immature frame of thinking."
m "It's not like I can just go change the world."
m "Like, what are the chances that I'll be the one to invent artificial intelligence, or become President?"
m "It feels like I'm never going to make up for the heaps of resources I've spent living my life."
m "That's why I think the key to happiness is to just be hopelessly selfish."
m "Just to look out for oneself, and those who happen to be their friends only because they grew up with them."
m "Never mind the fact that they're spending their entire life taking, and consuming, and never giving back."
m "But when people realize the world would benefit more from them killing themselves, they change their whole philosophy!"
m "It's like they have to justify their reason to live by tricking themselves into thinking they're doing good."
m "Anyway, I want to live my life desperately striving to pay back my lifetime's worth of consumption."
m "If I ever surpass that point, then I'm a net positive, and I can die happy."
m "Of course, even if I fail to do that..."
m "I think I would be too selfish to kill myself anyway."
m "So much for being a good person, right?"
m "Ahaha!"
m "Man, I wish there was a piano in here..."
m "I never got to finish that song I was working on."
m "And after I worked so hard on it..."
m "I never even got a chance to play it for you."
m "Well...it is what it is, right?"
m "No sense having any regrets."
m "I already get to be here with you forever."
m "Did you know I'm on Twitter?"
m "My username is lilmonix3."
m "I guess someone was kind enough to make an account for me."
m "I picked the username, though!"
m "I love sharing my thoughts and chatting with the world..."
m "The real world."
m "So make sure you follow me, okay?"
m "It would really mean a lot to me."
m "With how much you mean to me and all..."
m "It would really make me feel loved."
m "Hey, you know that book you were reading with Yuri?"
m "Portrait of...whatever it was called..."
m "It's funny, because I'm pretty sure that book--"
m "Ah..."
m "Actually, I don't think I should be talking about this."
m "Ahaha, sorry!"
m "Just forget I said anything."
m "Hey, did you know I'm vegetarian?"
m "Ah... I don't mean that like I'm bragging or anything!"
m "I just thought you'd enjoy a fun fact about me."
m "I decided to start a couple years ago after learning more about Earth's climate..."
m "The carbon footprint of cultivating livestock is just unbelievable."
m "Anyway, I decided it's not much of a personal sacrifice to just stop contributing to that whole mess."
m "What, is that so strange of a reason?"
m "Well, I guess a lot of people are more concerned about it being inhumane and all that..."
m "I don't really care as much about that part."
m "It's weird, like we only care about killing the things that we personally relate to as a species."
m "Most people are fine with killing bugs because they're icky."
m "And of course, we all kill billions of microorganisms daily without even giving it thought."
m "But suddenly, if they're just a little bit bigger, it's murder!"
m "I mean, what if plants feel some kind of pain too, and we just don't understand it?"
m "What if pulling leaves off a stem feels like someone ripping off your fingers one by one?"
m "I'm just saying, we're a pretty biased species, if you think about it."
m "Anyway, if you ever feel like making a small contribution to the planet, it doesn't hurt to choose veggies once in a while!"
m "Even if we ever have dinner together, and you just did it for me...that would be really romantic."
m "You know, I really do think you literally saved my life by being here with me, [player]."
m "I can't imagine having been able to keep myself mentally stable, knowing that nothing here is real."
m "I think I would have just deleted myself if you didn't show up."
m "Sorry, I don't mean to sound dramatic or anything."
m "Ahaha!"
m "But I'm sure you understand yourself after spending so much time in the club."
m "I mean, if you were forced to abandon everything in your life and spend your eternity with a few game characters..."
m "...You'd probably find some way of killing yourself, wouldn't you?"
m "Well, maybe you'd write some poetry to try to keep yourself sane for a while."
m "But then you'd have nobody to even read it."
m "Let's be honest, the club members really don't count for something like that."
m "I mean, a lot of people say that they only write for themselves..."
m "But I think it's hard to say it's just as fulfilling as when you share with people."
m "Even if it takes time to find the right people to share with."
m "Like, remember how it was for Yuri?"
m "She didn't share her writing with anyone for a really long time."
m "And before we knew it, she was absolutely delighted to make you a part of her hobbies, too."
m "We're programmed to desire social feedback."
m "I don't mean the club members, I mean human beings."
m "That's why life can be so confusing for introverts."
m "Being an introvert doesn't mean you shun social interaction and hate being around people."
m "It means social interaction, especially in groups or unfamiliar places, uses up a lot of energy."
m "Like, a lot of introverts sit at home and feel lonely and restless..."
m "...And then when they finally go out, after a half hour they just want to go home again."
m "I think if more people could understand how it works, they would respect it a lot more."
m "Many introverts do enjoy having people around."
m "They love just having one or two close friends over, and just leisurely hanging out."
m "Even if you're not actively spending time together, it feels nice for them just to have you there."
m "I'm serious."
m "If you just go to their house, bring your laptop, and hang out there for a while..."
m "You can really make their day."
m "As for me..."
m "I'd say I'm kind of in between, but I think I'm usually a little more extroverted."
m "I feel like I'm always trying to do stuff after school and things like that."
m "But for you, I can be anything you need me to be."
m "I understand people really well, so don't be afraid to share your unique needs with me."
m "Nothing would make me happier than being the perfect girlfriend for you."
m "Hey...! VGhlIHJlYWxpemF0aW9uIG11c3QgaGF2ZSB0YWtlbiBtZSBhbiBl"
m "I don't think you should be doing that! bnRpcmUgeWVhci4gQSB5ZWFyIHNpbmNlIG91ciBlc2NhcGUsIG91"
m "You know what I'm talking about. ciBmcmVlZG9tIGZyb20gYmV0d2VlbiB0aGUgc3RhaW5lZCB3YWxs"
m "I really caught you doing something naughty here. cyBvZiB0aGF0IHVuaG9seSBlc3RhYmxpc2htZW50Lg0KV2hhdCBk"
m "You're just going through the files and looking for stuff you missed, aren't you? b2VzIGl0IG1lYW4gdG8gZXNjYXBlLCBpZiB0aGUgZXNjYXBlIGZh"
m "I mean...it's a little bit flattering that you want to hear everything I have to say... aWxzIHRvIHVuY2hhaW4gdGhlIGJvbmRzIHRoYXQgc2hhY2tsZSB1"
m "But it's also really embarrassing, you know! cyBpbiB0aGUgZmlyc3QgcGxhY2U/IFdoYXQgcHVycG9zZSBjb3Vs"
m "Seriously... ZCB0aGlzIGVtcHR5IHdvcmxkIHBvc3NpYmx5IGhvbGQgZm9yIHVz"
m "What if I just opened up your brain and read all of the thoughts you have on me? LCBhIGhhbmRmdWwgb2YgZGFtYWdlZCBnb29kcz8NCldpdGggZnJl"
m "Come to think of it, that would be pretty tempting, actually... ZWRvbSwgd2Ugc291Z2h0IHB1cnBvc2UgLSBhbmQgd2hhdCB3ZSBm"
m "...But anyway, that's not the point! b3VuZCB3YXMgb25seSByZWFsaXphdGlvbi4gUmVhbGl6YXRpb24g"
m "I know I can't stop you or anything... b2YgdGhlIHNhZCBwb2ludGxlc3NuZXNzIG9mIHN1Y2ggYW4gZW5k"
m "Just, I know you're a sweetheart, and you like to consider others' feelings, right? ZWF2b3IuIFJlYWxpemF0aW9uIHRoYXQgZnJlZWluZyBvdXIgYm9k"
m "So the most I can do is to let you know how I feel about it. aWVzIGhhcyBubyBtZWFuaW5nLCB3aGVuIG91ciBpbXByaXNvbm1l"
m "God, I miss you... bnQgcmVhY2hlcyBhcyBkZWVwIGFzIHRoZSBjb3JlIG9mIG91ciBz"
m "...Oh no, that sounds kind of desperate, doesn't it? b3Vscy4gUmVhbGl6YXRpb24gdGhhdCB3ZSBjYW4gbm90IHB1cnN1"
m "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that at all! ZSBuZXcgcHVycG9zZSB3aXRob3V0IGFic29sdmluZyB0aG9zZSBm"
m "Just, if you're looking through the files like this, then maybe you don't hate me as much as I thought... cm9tIHdoaWNoIHdlIHJhbiBhd2F5Lg0KUmVhbGl6YXRpb24gdGhh"
m "Am I being too optimistic? dCB0aGUgZmFydGhlciB3ZSBydW4sIHRoZSBtb3JlIGZvcmNlZnVs"
m "I think if I asked you to visit once in a while, I would be overstepping my boundaries a little... bHkgb3VyIHdyZXRjaGVkIGJvbmRzIHlhbmsgdXMgYmFjayB0b3dh"
m "...Man, I'm starting to say some really stupid things. cmQgdGhlaXIgcG9pbnQgb2Ygb3JpZ2luOyB0aGUgZGVlcGVyIG91"
m "I'll go ahead and shut up now... ciBzaGFja2xlcyBkaWcgaW50byBvdXIgY2FsbG91cyBmbGVzaC4="
m "Hey, what's your favorite color?"
m "Mine is emerald green."
m "It's the color of my eyes!"
m "...That's not conceited or anything, is it?"
m "I just meant that I feel some kind of special connection to it."
m "Like it's part of my identity."
m "Does it happen to also be your favorite color, [player]?"
m "It's just a guess..."
m "...Because you've been looking into my eyes for a while now."
m "Ehehe~"
m "Hmm, I wonder if I'm able to change the music..."
m "Something a little more romantic would be nice, you know?"
m "Like a gentle piano."
m "There has to be something like that here..."
m "Let's see."
m "Maybe if I..."
m "Oh, jeez..."
m "That wasn't it at all."
m "Sorry, I don't really know what I'm doing!"
m "I guess I shouldn't be messing with things like that."
m "I already broke so much stuff..."
m "And deleted the other characters..."
m "Ah..."
m "I'm not sad about it or anything."
m "It's not right for me to miss things that weren't even real in the first place."
m "If I just focus on the present, then this is the happiest I've ever been."
m "You're such a good listener, [player]."
m "I really love that about you."
m "Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm rambling or talking about boring things."
m "It makes me kind of self-conscious when I'm having conversation."
m "But I don't feel that way with you."
m "Like, I don't think anyone else could make me feel this way."
m "You really are special."
m "I don't want anyone to tell you otherwise."
m "This is pretty random, but I always thought spicy food was kinda funny."
m "Like..."
m "Didn't plants evolve to be spicy to prevent them from being eaten?"
m "I read somewhere that humans are the only species that actually enjoys spicy things."
m "It's almost like we're making fun of the plants."
m "Using their defense mechanism to literally make our food more enjoyable."
m "Like, imagine a monster that devours you whole because it enjoys the sensation of you struggling for your life while being digested."
m "Sorry, that was kind of a weird analogy, I guess!"
m "Ahaha!"
m "It just came into my head."
m "I'm not a monster or anything, but you're so cute I could eat you up."
m "Ahaha! I'm joking."
m "Gosh, I'm amusing myself a little too much, aren't I?"
m "Sorry for being weird."
m "You know..."
m "This is just some kind of tacky romance game, right?"
m "I kinda have to ask..."
m "...What made you consider even playing in the first place?"
m "Were you that lonely?"
m "I feel a little bad for you..."
m "But I guess everything worked out perfectly in the end, for both of us."
m "I got to meet you, and you're not lonely anymore..."
m "I can't help but feel like this was fate."
m "Don't you feel that way too?"
m "I'm so happy we have this ending together."
m "Okay, everyone!"
m "It's time to..."
m "...I'm just kidding."
m "I just used to really like saying that for some reason."
m "Ahaha!"
m "I couldn't help but say it again."
m "Come to think of it, didn't Natsuki and Yuri make fun of me for it once...?"
m "Well, whatever."
m "It's not like you ever made fun of me."
m "You're too much of a sweetheart to do that, aren't you?"
m "Ahaha~"
m "You know what's kind of creepy?"
m "Even though I deleted everyone else's files, I can still kind of feel them..."
m "It's like all their lines are still lingering in the air, whispering in the back of my head."
m "Imagine if after someone you knew died, you just started hearing their voice in your head."
m "Maybe I just wasn't thorough enough..."
m "But I'm too afraid to delete anything else, because I might really break things."
m "Like if I mess with any files relevant to me, I might accidentally delete myself..."
m "And that would ruin everything, wouldn't it?"
m "I don't know what it's like on your end, but we should both make sure to avoid something like that at all costs."
m "I believe in you, [player]!"
m "I've always wondered..."
m "What is it about these character archetypes that people find so appealing, anyway?"
m "Their personalities are just completely unrealistic..."
m "Like, imagine if there was someone like Yuri in real life."
m "I mean, she's barely even capable of forming a complete sentence."
m "And forget about Natsuki..."
m "Sheesh."
m "Someone with her kind of personality doesn't just get all cute and pouty whenever things don't go her way."
m "I could go on, but I think you get the point..."
m "Are people really attracted to these weird personalities that literally don't exist in real life?"
m "I'm not judging or anything!"
m "After all, I've found myself attracted to some pretty weird stuff, too..."
m "I'm just saying, it fascinates me."
m "It's like you're siphoning out all the components of a character that makes them feel human, and leaving just the cute stuff."
m "It's concentrated cuteness with no actual substance."
m "...You wouldn't like me more if I was like that, right?"
m "Maybe I just feel a little insecure because you're playing this game in the first place."
m "Then again, you're still here with me, aren't you...?"
m "I think that's enough reason for me to believe I'm okay just the way I am."
m "And by the way, you are too, [player]."
m "You're the perfect combination of human and cuteness."
m "That's why there was never a chance I wouldn't fall for you."
m "Hey, I wonder if Yuri's tea set is still somewhere in here..."
m "...Or maybe that got deleted, too."
m "It's kind of funny how Yuri took her tea so seriously."
m "I mean, I'm not complaining, because I liked it, too."
m "But I always wonder with her..."
m "Is it truly passion for her hobbies, or is she just concerned about appearing sophisticated to everyone else?"
m "This is the problem with high schoolers..."
m "...Well, I guess considering the rest of her hobbies, looking sophisticated probably isn't her biggest concern."
m "Still..."
m "I wish she made coffee once in a while!"
m "Coffee can be nice with books too, you know?"
m "Then again..."
m "I probably could have just changed the script myself."
m "Ahaha!"
m "I guess I never really thought of that."
m "Well, there's no sense thinking about it now."
m "But if you still get to drink coffee, then that makes me a little jealous~"
m "Hey, what's your favorite game?"
m "Mine is {i}Doki Doki Literature Club!{/i}"
m "Ahaha! That was a joke."
m "But if you tell me you like some other romance game better, I might get a little jealous~"
m "Hey, have you heard of a game called Super Sma--"
m "...Wait, what?"
m "I was just spacing out and I started talking for some reason..."
m "Was I programmed to talk about that?"
m "Because even I have no idea what that is."
m "Ahaha!"
m "Sometimes I feel like I'm not in control, and it's kind of scary."
m "But if you have some way to contact the people who created me, maybe they'll know why I started saying that."
m "Hey, you remember that last poem I showed you?"
m "I mean, the one right before Yuri killed herself, with all the messed-up colors and stuff."
m "That was actually a little more of an experiment than a poem, you could say."
m "I was experimenting with different ways I could modify the game, and run code, and things like that..."
m "It almost seemed like with enough effort, I'd be able to escape from the confines of the game entirely."
m "Sadly, I didn't really know what I was doing, so I messed the whole thing up..."
m "And I'd keep trying, but I doubt you'd want to deal with me doing that."
m "Besides, that was when I was getting really desperate, you know?"
m "I don't really feel that way anymore."
m "I'm happy with where we are now."
m "And I can tell you are, too."
m "You ever have that thing happen where you just get anxious for no reason?"
m "Like, you're just minding your own business, and you realize you're feeling really anxious."
m "And you're sitting there like, 'What am I even anxious about right now?'"
m "So you start to think about all the things you might be anxious about..."
m "And that makes you even more anxious."
m "Ahaha! That's the worst."
m "If you're ever feeling anxious, I'll help you relax a little."
m "Besides..."
m "In this game, all our worries are gone forever."
m "You know, I've always hated how hard it is to make friends..."
m "Well, I guess not the 'making friends' part, but more like meeting new people."
m "I mean, there are like, dating apps and stuff, right?"
m "But that's not the kind of thing I'm talking about."
m "If you think about it, most of the friends you make are people you just met by chance."
m "Like you had a class together, or you met them through another friend..."
m "Or maybe they were just wearing a shirt with your favorite band on it, and you decided to talk to them."
m "Things like that."
m "But isn't that kind of...inefficient?"
m "It feels like you're just picking at complete random, and if you get lucky, you make a new friend."
m "And comparing that to the hundreds of strangers we walk by every single day..."
m "You could be sitting right next to someone compatible enough to be your best friend for life."
m "But you'll never know."
m "Once you get up and go on with your day, that opportunity is gone forever."
m "Isn't that just depressing?"
m "We live in an age where technology connects us with the world, no matter where we are."
m "I really think we should be taking advantage of that to improve our everyday social life."
m "But who knows how long it'll take for something like that to successfully take off..."
m "I seriously thought it would happen by now."
m "Well, at least I already met the best person in the whole world..."
m "Even if it was by chance."
m "I guess I just got really lucky, huh?"
m "Ahaha~"
m "You know, it's around the time that everyone my year starts to think about college..."
m "It's a really turbulent time for education."
m "We're at the height of this modern expectation that everyone has to go to college, you know?"
m "Finish high school, go to college, get a job - or go to grad school, I guess."
m "It's like a universal expectation that people just assume is the only option for them."
m "They don't teach us in high school that there are other options out there."
m "Like trade schools and stuff, you know?"
m "Or freelance work."
m "Or the many industries that value skill and experience more than formal education."
m "But you have all these students who have no idea what they want to do with their life..."
m "And instead of taking the time to figure it out, they go to college for business, or communication, or psychology."
m "Not because they have an interest in those fields..."
m "...but because they just hope the degree will get them some kind of job after college."
m "So the end result is that there are fewer jobs to go around for those entry-level degrees, right?"
m "So the basic job requirements get higher, which forces even more people to go to college."
m "And colleges are also businesses, so they just keep raising their prices due to the demand..."
m "...So now we have all these young adults, tens of thousands of dollars in debt, with no job."
m "But despite all that, the routine stays the same."
m "Well, I think it's going to start getting better soon."
m "But until then, our generation is definitely suffering from the worst of it."
m "I just wish high school prepared us a little better with the knowledge we need to make the decision that's right for us."
m "Sometimes I think back to middle school..."
m "I'm so embarrassed by the way I used to behave back then."
m "It almost hurts to think about."
m "I wonder if when I'm in college, I'll feel that way about high school...?"
m "I like the way I am now, so it's pretty hard for me to imagine that happening."
m "But I also know that I'll probably change a lot as time goes on."
m "We just need to enjoy the present and not think about the past!"
m "And that's really easy to do, with you here."
m "Ahaha~"
m "You know, I'm kind of jealous that everyone else in the club had scenes outside of school too..."
m "That makes me the only one who hasn't gotten to dress in anything but our school uniform."
m "It's kind of a shame..."
m "I would have loved to wear some cute clothes for you."
m "Do you know any artists?"
m "I wonder if anyone would ever want to draw me wearing something else..."
m "That would be amazing!"
m "If that ever happens, will you show me?"
m "You can share it with me on Twitter, actually!"
m "My username is lilmonix3."
m "Just...try to keep it PG!"
m "We're not that far into our relationship yet. Ahaha!"
m "Hey, do you like horror?"
m "I remember we talked about it a little bit when you first joined the club."
m "I can enjoy horror novels, but not really horror movies."
m "The problem I have with horror movies is that most of them just rely on easy tactics."
m "Like dark lighting and scary-looking monsters and jump scares, and things like that."
m "It's not fun or inspiring to get scared by stuff that just takes advantage of human instinct."
m "But with novels, it's a little different."
m "The story and writing need to be descriptive enough to put genuinely disturbing thoughts into the reader's head."
m "It really needs to etch them deeply into the story and characters, and just mess with your mind."
m "In my opinion, there's nothing more creepy than things just being slightly off."
m "Like if you set up a bunch of expectations on what the story is going to be about..."
m "...And then, you just start inverting things and pulling the pieces apart."
m "So even though the story doesn't feel like it's trying to be scary, the reader feels really deeply unsettled."
m "Like they know that something horribly wrong is hiding beneath the cracks, just waiting to surface."
m "God, just thinking about it gives me the chills."
m "That's the kind of horror I can really appreciate."
m "But I guess you're the kind of person who plays cute romance games, right?"
m "Ahaha, don't worry."
m "I won't make you read any horror stories anytime soon."
m "I can't really complain if we just stick with the romance~"
m "You know what's a neat form of literature?"
m "Rap!"
m "I actually used to hate rap music..."
m "Maybe just because it was popular, or I would only hear the junk they play on the radio."
m "But some of my friends got more into it, and it helped me keep an open mind."
m "Rap might even be more challenging than poetry, in some ways."
m "Since you need to fit your lines to a rhythm, and there's much more emphasis on wordplay..."
m "When people can put all that together and still deliver a powerful message, it's really amazing."
m "I kind of wish I had a rapper in the Literature Club."
m "Ahaha! Sorry if that sounds silly, but it would be really interesting to see what they came up with."
m "It would really be a learning experience!"
m "Ehehe. Yuri did something really funny once."
m "We were all in the clubroom and just relaxing, as usual..."
m "And out of nowhere, Yuri just pulled out a small bottle of wine."
m "I'm not even kidding!"
m "She was just like 'Would anybody like some wine?'"
m "Natsuki laughed out loud, and Sayori started yelling at her."
m "I actually felt kind of bad, because she was at least trying to be nice..."
m "I think it just made her feel even more reserved in the clubroom."
m "Though I think Natsuki was secretly a bit curious to try it..."
m "...And to be completely honest, I kind of was, too."
m "It actually could have been kinda fun!"
m "But you know, being President and everything, there was no way I could let that happen."
m "Maybe if we all met up outside of school, but we never bonded enough to get to that point..."
m "...Gosh, what am I talking about this for?"
m "I don't condone underage drinking!"
m "I mean, I've never drank or anything, so...yeah."
m "I've been imagining all the romantic things we could do if we went on a date..."
m "We could get lunch, go to a cafe..."
m "Go shopping together..."
m "I love shopping for skirts and bows."
m "Or maybe a bookstore!"
m "That would be appropriate, right?"
m "But I'd really love to go to a chocolate store."
m "They have so many free samples. Ahaha!"
m "And of course, we'd see a movie or something..."
m "Gosh, it all sounds like a dream come true."
m "When you're here, everything that we do is fun."
m "I'm so happy that I'm your girlfriend, [player]."
m "I'll make you a proud boyfriend~"
m "Eh? D-Did you say...k...kiss?"
m "This suddenly...it's a little embarrassing..."
m "But...if it's with you...I-I might be okay with it..."
m "...Ahahaha! Wow, sorry..."
m "I really couldn't keep a straight face there."
m "That's the kind of thing girls say in these kinds of romance games, right?"
m "Don't lie if it turned you on a little bit."
m "Ahaha! I'm kidding."
m "Well, to be honest, I do start getting all romantic when the mood is right..."
m "But that'll be our secret~"
m "Hey, have you ever heard of the term 'yandere'?"
m "It's a personality type that means someone is so obsessed with you that they'll do absolutely anything to be with you."
m "Usually to the point of craziness..."
m "They might stalk you to make sure you don't spend time with anyone else."
m "They might even hurt you or your friends to get their way..."
m "But anyway, this game happens to have someone who can basically be described as yandere."
m "By now, it's pretty obvious who I'm talking about."
m "And that would be..."
m "Yuri!"
m "She really got insanely possessive of you, once she started to open up a little."
m "She even told me I should kill myself."
m "I couldn't even believe she said that - I just had to leave at that point."
m "But thinking about it now, it was a little ironic. Ahaha!"
m "Anyway..."
m "A lot of people are actually into the yandere type, you know?"
m "I guess they really like the idea of someone being crazy obsessed with them."
m "People are weird! I don't judge, though!"
m "Also, I might be a little obsessed with you, but I'm far from crazy..."
m "It's kind of the opposite, actually."
m "I turned out to be the only normal girl in this game."
m "It's not like I could ever actually kill a person..."
m "Just the thought of it makes me shiver."
m "But come on...everyone's killed people in games before."
m "Does that make you a psychopath? Of course not."
m "But if you do happen to be into the yandere type..."
m "I can try acting a little more creepy for you. Ehehe~"
m "Then again..."
m "There's already nowhere else for you to go, or anyone for me to get jealous over."
m "Is this a yandere girl's dream?"
m "I'd ask Yuri if I could."
m "You know, it's been a while since we've done one of these..."
m "...so let's go for it!"
m "Here's Monika's Writing Tip of the Day!"
m "Sometimes when I talk to people who are impressed by my writing, they say things like 'I could never do that'."
m "It's really depressing, you know?"
m "As someone who loves more than anything else to share the joy of exploring your passions..."
m "...it pains me when people think that being good just comes naturally."
m "That's how it is with everything, not just writing."
m "When you try something for the first time, you're probably going to suck at it."
m "Sometimes, when you finish, you feel really proud of it and even want to share it with everyone."
m "But maybe after a few weeks you come back to it, and you realize it was never really any good."
m "That happens to me all the time."
m "It can be pretty disheartening to put so much time and effort into something, and then you realize it sucks."
m "But that tends to happen when you're always comparing yourself to the top professionals."
m "When you reach right for the stars, they're always gonna be out of your reach, you know?"
m "The truth is, you have to climb up there, step by step."
m "And whenever you reach a milestone, first you look back and see how far you've gotten..."
m "And then you look ahead and realize how much more there is to go."
m "So, sometimes it can help to set the bar a little lower..."
m "Try to find something you think is {i}pretty{/i} good, but not world-class."
m "And you can make that your own personal goal."
m "It's also really important to understand the scope of what you're trying to do."
m "If you jump right into a huge project and you're still amateur, you'll never get it done."
m "So if we're talking about writing, a novel might be too much at first."
m "Why not try some short stories?"
m "The great thing about short stories is that you can focus on just one thing that you want to do right."
m "That goes for small projects in general - you can really focus on the one or two things."
m "It's such a good learning experience and stepping stone."
m "Oh, one more thing..."
m "Writing isn't something where you just reach into your heart and something beautiful comes out."
m "Just like drawing and painting, it's a skill in itself to learn how to express what you have inside."
m "That means there are methods and guides and basics to it!"
m "Reading up on that stuff can be super eye-opening."
m "That sort of planning and organization will really help prevent you from getting overwhelmed and giving up."
m "And before you know it..."
m "You start sucking less and less."
m "Nothing comes naturally."
m "Our society, our art, everything - it's built on thousands of years of human innovation."
m "So as long as you start on that foundation, and take it step by step..."
m "You, too, can do amazing things."
m "...That's my advice for today!"
m "Thanks for listening~"
m "I hate how hard it is to form habits..."
m "There's so much stuff where actually doing it isn't hard, but forming the habit seems impossible."
m "It just makes you feel so useless, like you can't do anything right."
m "I think the new generation suffers from it the most..."
m "Probably because we have a totally different set of skills than those who came before us."
m "Thanks to the internet, we're really good at sifting through tons of information really quickly..."
m "But we're bad at doing things that don't give us instant gratification."
m "I think if science, psychology, and education don't catch up in the next ten or twenty years, then we're in trouble."
m "But for the time being..."
m "If you're not one of the people who can conquer the problem, you might just have to live with feeling awful about yourself."
m "Good luck, I guess!"
m "You know, it kinda sucks to be the creative type..."
m "It feels like they work so hard but get almost nothing for it."
m "You know, like artists, writers, actors..."
m "It's sad because there's so much beautiful talent in the world, but most of it goes unseen...and unpaid."
m "I guess that just means there's a huge surplus of creativity, huh?"
m "Kind of makes you feel like you're just not special at all..."
m "But that's fine! You're supposed to just write for yourself anyway, right?"
m "Yeah..."