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Season 1 Session 1 Transcript: “Trust creation”, Nonviolent communication & Spiral dynamics

Session

Contents

Notes

Transcript

Notes

A selection of quotes, images and other materials gathered from the session notes, #🕊️-TEC-Gravity, Graviton Training on Google Slides, and the web.

Nonviolent Communication

a) Brief summary of Non Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

This is a chapter outline of key points related in Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. (PuddleDancer Press)

If "violent" means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate—judging others, bullying, having racial bias, blaming, finger pointing, discriminating, speaking without listening, criticizing others or ourselves, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who's "good/bad" or what's "right/wrong" with people—could indeed be called "violent communication."

Nonviolent Communication is the integration of four things:

  • Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of compassion, collaboration, courage, and authenticity
  • Language: understanding how words contribute to connection or distance
  • Communication: knowing how to ask for what we want, how to hear others even in disagreement, and how to move toward solutions that work for all
  • Means of influence: sharing "power with others" rather than using "power over others"

Nonviolent Communication serves our desire to do three things:

  • Increase our ability to live with choice, meaning, and connection
  • Connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships
  • Sharing of resources so everyone is able to benefit

Feelings and Needs Exercise

@solsista shares in #🕊-tec-gravity:

@durgadas' explanation actually how feelings only arise when needs are met or not - was one breakthrough for need-based modeling we use for Invisible Economy / DADA

NVC Taught by Marshall Rosenberg

NVC Taught by Others

  • THE 4 NVC STEPS MADE SIMPLE (5 minutes) by Cup of Empathy NVC Youtube Channel
  • Your Complete Non-Violent Communication Guide [2020 Update] (Positive Psychology)

    All human beings have an innate capacity for compassion, but it is easy to become detached from this capacity in our pursuit to get our way. But when we get our way through fear, guilt, shame, or coercion, we are just as likely to suffer as those who give in to our will.

    Violent communication need not be malevolent; often, it is automatic and habitual. In this article, we will explore Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a process through which we can learn to express ourselves clearly and honestly while listening to our needs and others.

b) Oren Jay Sofer. Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication (video)

  • Oren Jay Sofer - Audio

    Oren Jay Sofer teaches mindfulness, meditation and Nonviolent Communication in both secular and Buddhist contexts.

Spiral Dynamics

c) Using Spiral Dynamics to understand development

Ken Wilber, the American writer on transpersonal psychology and his own integral theory, has used and popularised Spiral Dynamics in his work. Spiral Dynamics was developed by Don E. Beck and Cristopher Cowan, based on the pioneering work of developmental psychologist Clare W. Graves.

Spiral Dynamics is a model and language which describes the development of people, organisations and society. It helps us understand the value systems (what they care about and what motivates them) of different people and organisations, as they move through distinct stages of development.

d) Integral Dynamics, A new integration of Wilber’s Integral Theory and Spiral Dynamics

Currently we get caught up in deep crises that follow each other faster and faster. In this paper, we develop a coherent analytical framework that may tackle the major problems of our time in a coherent and integrated way. We present a new integration of Wilber’s Integral Theory and Spiral Dynamics that provide more possibilities for analysis: IntegralDynamics. Upon these Integral Dynamics our approach is as follows. Wilber describes four holarchies from the perspectives of the quadrants. We move on to octants and we ascertain that the value systems of Spiral Dynamics, with their typical colours, fit in this extended scheme of Wilber.

  • A Matter of Perspective - Spirals Blog
    • Behavior ≠ Intention

      Can you remember a time when someone you knew (a friend, a lover, a boss, etc.) was doing something you just didn’t understand? It would go on for what felt like ages until, eventually, you realized why they were doing it. It dawned on you the real reason for their behavior (something they may not have even realized themselves), and your whole perspective shifted?

    • Wholearchy over Hierarchy

      Our house’s foundation isn’t worth less than the walls. In the same way that the roof is not better than the door. Looking at Perspective as a “wholearchy” puts things under a different light. It places a much-deserved emphasis on founding perspectives like “Purple” and “Red” simultaneously removing the misplaced significance of more complex colors such as Yellow and Turquoise (and for many, Green and Orange). Taking away the “hierarchy” allows us to view all colors equally, to be seen objectively, and treated fairly. It balances our understanding of Perspective.

    • The Individual & The Collective

      If you’ve studied Spiral Dynamics for long enough, you may have noticed that a pattern forms between the colors. Beige looks out for itself, and Purple looks out for the tribe/family/friends. Red looks for glory and significance and Blue looks to sacrifice itself for a higher power (organization, nation, religion, etc.). Orange does whatever it can to be the best and look good doing it, only for Green to forget it all and only looks out for the world. And so on…

    • Disentanglement Theory

      Disentanglement Theory is an attempt to get to the bottom of things, The real bottom, and then heal it. It requires courage, patience, empathy, love, strength, and intuition. It builds emotional intelligence, your sense of love for yourself and the world, deeper happiness, and a generally pretty chillin’ vibe. It’s sweet.

Divided & Unified Ways Of Thinking

Divided and Unified ways of thinking in context of decolonization, which Regis Chapman (@Durgadas) presents upon in detail:

I AM THE PROBLEM: Responsibility & Freedom in a Post-Colonized World - Durgadas 2021 01 13 (Youtube))

e) My stroke of insight - Jill Bolte Taylor (video)

This video describes the experience of having a stroke, which allowed Jill Bolte Taylor, a scientist, direct view to the inner workings of her mind. This experience granted her a "stroke" of insight, regarding the difference between right and left brain thinking, and how our brains define our realities.

I pictured a world filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate, loving people who knew that they could come to this space at any time. And that they could purposely choose to step to the right of their left hemispheres – and find this peace.

Tuning to the Unified

Unified thinking is based on the understanding that there is no difference between the world we see and our inner self. And that duality comes from within our mind. “The world appears to you, as your mind is.”

This graphic illustrates the underlying principles of the mind which creates the duality or Maya, called Gunas. With understanding, self-compassion and detachment we can turn the various strategies of abuse (the combination of hiding and projecting) into health.

  • Crossing over Maya - Snake and Rope

    When I am not able to apprehend the rope as the rope, the mind projects that it is a snake. This projected, illusory, and non-existing snake makes you unhappy, miserable, sorrowfull. When you discover the rope as a rope, on apprehending the rope, the misapprehensions dissapear. This trick of the mind, of non apprehension of the higher reality because of its the mind is misinterpreting and projecting a world of brutality, this trick of the human mind is called a Maya

  • The Three Gunas Explained - 10 Minutes with Dr. Marc Halpern

    These three qualities are called sattva, rajas, and tamas, in sanskrit. These three gunas are responsible for the functioning of your mind, they also do affect the body. They affect everything in nature, but in our conversation, we usually bring it into the conversation about the mind. What is your mind like? Is your mind clear, like sattva? Is it turbulent, like rajas? Is it more inert and darker, like tamas?

Questions

  1. How does NVC help to build trust and prevent conflicts?
  2. What is Spiral Dynamics and how does it understand development?
  3. What is the difference between separated and unified thinking?

Transcript

(00:00:00) Juan Carlos: We are preparing with this knowledge of techniques to understand conflict and to overcome and to transform it into something healthy. That is the purpose of gravity.

The purpose of this training is for you to be able to practice in your everyday life techniques to handle conflict, to communicate mindfully and to make the best of a challenging situation.

I would love for all of you to fill the typeform where you will be asked three questions. After the three questions, you'll get a password that you can use to claim your poap.

For this session, we will have Regis Chapman (Durgadas) he's amazing and amazing person that you will learn a lot from.

What I have learned from him as a person that has a Masters in Conflict Management is that sometimes we focus on, on addressing conflict when it arises, but it's also very important to prevent conflict and to understand that the conflicts are, are not an expression of duality, but also an expression of our inner self.

So by ha by managing our inner self, we can also manage the conflicts and the projections that we have on the exterior. He is an excellent speaker and I would let, let himself introduce himself and share screen.

My Relationship with Conflict

(00:02:53) Durgadas: My relationship with conflict, this is a discussion that Juan and I had just before coming into this training, just to talk a little bit about.. we are a group of people coming together to promote the resilience in the decentralized organization.

The idea is that I'm trying to bring to the table as a way to address conflict both within yourself and then within the community, then in the larger context of all the different communities you might be connecting with

I'm sure that decentralized organizations and communities have certain social sectors, which are different from let's say corporations and other things. We need to have some unified approach to that.

My initial proposition to you, I'm gonna explain this conflict resolution in three stages. I'll tell you about myself and how I have addressed conflict within myself.

Then the second part is how I went from my own inner conflicts to dealing with those in my relationships, both with society as a whole, and within my individual relationships.

Then I'll give a "theory of everything" to contextualize, we find ourselves in different conflictual situations in a very large context. Speaking for myself, I'm somebody who is 52 years old.

Individual

I'm a lifelong second generation geek who grew up playing hangman on a punch card mainframe. My dad was a computer programmer for a Cobal programmer for Citibank.

I've literally been in tech since I was probably six years old. More than that, being on the autism spectrum and not learning about it until I was in my forties meant that I had a lot of conflict in my life because I was constantly bullied for thinking differently and behaving differently according to society.

Eventually I had a bit of an crisis and gave up everything I owned and went and lived in an ashram trying to become a swami.

I basically spent a long time (as far as spiral dynamics colors, this is my green period) where I went into a community, except it was an Ashram that was like an intentional community.

Not a digital intentional community like this one, but more like a place where we all live together. I got to understand for myself a lot better.

Societal

Then, then I started trying to figure out what it is that I needed to do within society and how to address my relationship with society. But I didn't really know enough about myself.

What we're gonna actually talk today with respect to this community is to combine the models of non-violence / compassionate communication with spiral dynamics.

Later on, we'll evolve into some other theories of transformational conflict, why is it that we're doing all this, with respect to how to create good boundaries and expectations and other things.

All of this relates also back to Ostrom's principles in particular four or five and six, if you're familiar with our work.

This is all actually to be credited to the folks who started all this, that we were gonna do this cultural build to start with, because it is so valuable to have a real understanding behind everything that we're doing.

I'm hoping that this contextualizing information can help you personally, within the conflict that we all tend to have it in each each person, and then how to manage conflicts interpersonally, and then to see the approach that the overall community is taking toward the creation of trust.

Then the back side of that around the creation of trust is often what do we do when those boundaries and expectations are not met and how do we deal with them? So I hope that's a decent introduction for me.

One further thing I'll say is once I left the ashram, I founded a couple of nonviolent communication groups, and I'm also participating weekly spiral dynamics meeting on Wednesdays at 5:00 PM. There'll be links to that in the, that I've put into the presentation.

Graviton Training

After this training, you guys should be able to do each one of these seven things. A huge part that we're gonna cover today around separating people from problems that's in many ways, separating the feelings that people have from the needs (that the word problems is often used to represent).

Also trying to make sure that you understand that each time we're talking about conflict, we need to talk about it in these three contexts that I was talking to you about within yourself, within the relationship that you're having in front of you, and then additionally to the larger community as a whole.

One of the things you should be able to do as a graviton is to be able to identify those different contexts from each other. And like number three says, additionally promoting empathy between all of the conflicting parties with emotional intelligence with also with this understanding of basically in many ways, this is a setting of expectations, what we're talking about now.

Also this presentation is intended to give you the different tools in the context, in which to understand yourselves and the three contexts that we're talking about.

Additionally there are just some plain old regulations that we have to adhere to with respect to terms and conditions, codes of conduct the graduated sanctions.

There are other legal obligations that we have. Those things would all be addressed in the larger context of the overall community and in many ways, the world.

Nonviolent Communication & Spiral Dynamics - Trust Creation

  1. (video) My Stroke Of Insight - Jill Bolte-Taylor
  2. NVC Summary (M. Rosenberg)
  3. Nonviolent Communication Guide https://positivepsychology.com/non-violent-communication/
  4. (video) Oren Jay Sofer. Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication
  5. Using Spiral Dynamics to understand development
  6. Integral Dynamics, A new integration of Wilber’s Integral Theory and Spiral Dynamics
  7. Marshall Rosenberg’s “The Basics Of Nonviolent Communication (3 hour video)
  8. Marshall Rosenberg’s Entire Non-Violent Communication- ‘A Language Of Life’ 5-hour Audiobook
  9. Cup Of Empathy, an EXCELLENT Self-Compassion & NVC Focused Youtube Channel

This is the first session. I'm gonna encourage you guys to click on each of these links. There's a whole bunch of video and audio in here that I've put in a lot of what we're gonna talk about today is based on this first video, my stroke of insight with Joel bolt Taylor.

One of the aspects that we're gonna talk about today with regard to spiral dynamics and nonviolent communication is just two different ways to think one is unified. The other is divided. What nonviolent communication is intended to do is, and one of the big outcomes from all of my 15 years experience with is that it allows you to create unified thinking from divided thinking within yourself to understand what your own feelings and needs are.

As a result of understanding that within yourself, to then extend that same compassionate outlook to others, and what's Spiral Dynamics does is it actually gives you an incredibly deep way to prevent the creation of enemy images within a given context.

One can contextualize all of our behavior and even our personal stories in terms of spiral dynamics, it is an unbelievably deep framework. It's so deep, Ken Wilber has created an entire theory of everything with this as it's fundamental framework.

I'm encouraging you guys to have a look at that stuff. Additionally, the spiral dynamics group that we're involved with, both Juan and myself and few others in this community have attended before, including SK and Fabio. we really are. We've gone through the entire product dynamic dynamics, book, color by color.

What we've decided to do is produce a group recording of each individual color over the next few months, so that you guys can have an introduction to all of that. We're going to then create a deeper look at each of those colors as we have these group looks. There's quite a lot more where this came from. You have quite a lot of resources to go to with respect to what I'm talking about today, just as an introduction.

Nonviolent Communication

Marshall Rosenberg on Giraffe/Jackal Language Marshall Rosenberg “Giraffe Fuel For Life”

Let's just get right to the nonviolent communication side of the picture. There are, again, a couple of links in here that actually talk about the original idea of the unified way of thinking is the NVC world and the world. As most of us know, it is this divided way of thinking, and it actually blocks connection. Instead of understanding, and making, making nonjudgmental observations about the world, we do intend to make an observation and immediately interpret it.

Then often we speak our judgment about that. Rather than saying if somebody's not showing up for things, and you would say "I've noticed you've been not here for the last three or four meetings. Is there something going on with you?" instead of doing that, we often say you're never at these meetings what the hell?

This is an interpretation, judgment problem. It also applies to ourselves. If I was really nervous about giving this presentation, for example, I might, instead of saying geez, I'm really noticing that I have a need to be accepted by all the people I'm presenting to and understanding how I feel and what my underlying needs are and making good observations about maybe my leg shaking or something instead, I'm just going, geez, I just suck at this or that's not good.

We do that externally in social situations, but we also do it internally with ourselves. There's a suggestion here about how to go through and try to think about things in a more unified way.

What's great about non-violent communication for me as a person on the autism spectrum, I always felt like there was always like pane of glass between me and other people that I'm speaking to.

I hope you can appreciate what a vulnerable position this is even for me to be talking in front of a large group of people like this as a person on the spectrum who has been systematically bullied over most of my life and treated like an other. and it's actually a very big deal for me to be able to think about myself in terms of understanding myself as Ia' to talk to myself in the, in the terms of a draft, as opposed to thinking of myself in terms of this Wolf language.

I'm gonna encourage you guys to take a look at the, the videos on the Giraffe language. The first one is not very long. The second one is, is prior audio book. It's about an over an hour long.

ONFR

The 4 NVC STEPS MADE SIMPLE (VIDEO)

In any case to talk about the conflict resolution cycle of nonviolent communication, there's a very simple mnemonic that we use to talk about this, and that's the OFNR process. You essentially make observations using facts as opposed to evaluating things. Then you create a connection by making this observation and then observing the feelings and emotions that are happening either within yourself or within the other.

One of the things that you start to do when you're in this communication cycle, is, is that you, if somebody's expressing the feelings that they have, one of the things that you're looking for intentionally is to the need that they have.

For example, if a person was saying I'm feeling excluded, that's generally not a feeling that's a judgment of what you're doing to them. Instead of being in a situation where you immediately go and judge them on the basis of that, what you might guess as to what their feelings is and connect it to a need that's underneath that.

For example, I could say, so you're feeling sad or upset or angry that when I didn't invite you to my party or whatever your need for inclusion was not being met. If you ask that in a form of a question, then I think so, well, they can give you some feedback about it. They could say, well, not exactly. I'm more disappointed because we used to be closer and now I'm not even invited to your party thing.

Then you can really uncover what's really going on when you, when you think about things in terms of feelings, what I've, it's my observation that a lot of people don't understand what feelings are.

They think that feelings are words that end in ed. For example, they say, I'm feeling excluded, feeling excluded is not a feeling. It's more of a, what my intention was about by not including them in the party and their need for inclusion is an actual need.

People really confuse their feelings and their needs. It's incredibly important to develop a language for that. There are a lot of feelings and needs wheels that exist on the internet that you can take a look at to identify those things within yourself.

I learned to identify them within others. It's my suggestion that you, as graviton start to be more intentional in how you talk to yourself and in how you talk to others and try to hear when feelings exist and try to hear when needs exist and taking a look at the feelings and needs wheels that you can just Google search for.

That will really then help you understand these two fundamental blocks, this red and blue block, the feelings and needs part. Then once you understand what your feelings and needs are, if I was the person who wanted to come to the party, you could then say, yes, I'm feeling sad because I miss our connection from before, because my need for connection with you has not been met.

Then you could say, as a result of that, I'm really missing you. I'd really like to be invited to your party. That would be then the request aspect of the, the final resolution part of that conflict. Now, if you've got two people who can, instead of creating and me images of each other like it would be very easy for someone to do who is feeling excluded, so to speak you can then make really good requests at the same time.

If that person requests they be included in your party. There may actually be very good reasons why the person would say no. At the same time, even though the person has clearly expressed their feelings and needs, it could be that the request would, would be told no. You can actually hear from the there's there's requests. There's also demands.

A demand is basically like an emotional blackmail situation where a person basically says, you either say yes, or I'm gonna treat you badly, but a person might say, no, just as easily. If you can't hear no to one of your requests, that basically means it's a demand. and then that would actually prevent the connection from happening and it would prevent a person's choice.

It would perpetuate the conflict by not being able to hear no in the, because you've, you've formed your request in terms of a demand. So what it's a good suggestion is to learn how the places where you're being demanding or doing emotional blackmailing, or when that's happening to you on the other side of it, so that you can then plug it back into the observations and say, okay, so maybe there's something that's missing.

For example, in my, in my invitation to the party situation I'm gonna say no to you coming to my party, because my partner found out that we used to date 20 years ago, and they're just not comfortable with that. and so that would be an observation. Then of course the person would likely have some feelings around that.

As you keep going through this process, the intentionality and the lack of conflict goes down and down over time, because you're able to uncover what's really going on by keeping yourself out of this judgment, confusion about emotions and needs and making good requests as opposed to demands. Hopefully that's pretty clear.

Questions

Now that we're about a third of the way through the presentation. I'm happy to answer questions on the NVC side of things.

(00:24:51) Solsista: Hey, cool. Thanks for, for making this possible. Basically again, maybe just a remark, I think the point even starts because most of us have problems discerning needs and then feelings. So, right. That was definitely an aha for me. Yeah.

(00:25:18) Durgadas: Yeah. Yeah. That's part of the reason why we're having this training and I think it should be an ongoing thing for gravitons in particular, but for anyone in the community, all of this stuff is really unclear in many ways. Part of the thing about what I think we're in intentionally doing here and gravity in particular intended to do is to proactively educate people about the way that this cycle works and so that they can contextualize their feelings and their needs and how to get requests and how to make observations both in the personal level, on the interpersonal level. Me and SM just talk, we're gonna have the same thing, but also how to construct the, the systems, which support our work in token engineering in the first one place, and even in the common stack and even another Dows that we interact with all of these things have different contexts.

(00:26:24) Durgadas: And all of this is all based contextually as well, right? Because if a person is violating a principle of like Ostrom talks about, of the overall community, right, we would need to discuss that at the appropriate level. If it's just me and seb going seb, why did you dye your hair? I don't like your hair that way and blah, blah, blah. Then she'd be like, oh my God. You know? And so it was just something between us. It's a, it's a very different contextual situation. It, and it does really require practice to be able to implement these things in the given context that that you're in.

That's part of the reason why I'm a huge believer in practice groups. If you can find an NVC practice group in your area, or you can either physically or virtually attend given COVID or come to the spiral dynamics group to take a look at the depth of this stuff that exists. There is a bit of a similarity in the sense in the spiral of this four, these four aspects, which are contextualized slightly differently spiral, but we'll, we'll get into that in the next section. Anybody else have any other questions or comments?

Spiral Dynamics

SPIRALS.BLOG (Join the Slack Channel!) We are soon (soon!) recording videos for each part of the spiral.

From the Blog: Behavior is not Intention

Wholearchy Over Hierarchy

The Swing Between Individual & Collective

Disentanglement

(00:27:50) JessicaZ: Just maybe a question just in looking at this is one thing on a one-on-one personal relationship dynamic, but in a more complex system, or many people here are from that's like shared things being created, maybe value or yes. Things that have this sense. Yeah. Could give an example of a more complex situation or maybe one that would apply within an organization, a project or a DAO I'm sure you're got more coming over the sessions, but for sure. Yeah. Is there anything we can take from this, like it's kinda simple model and applying it to the complex issues.

(00:28:31) Durgadas: That is an excellent segue to the very next slide. If you take a look at the way that the spiral works here, the sets of needs, which are had by a person in a given situation is often contextualized by taking a look at the warm colors are essentially represented by this "I" idea. Whereas the cool colors are represented much more by the "we" idea, right?

Depending on your personal development, what's gonna happen with you is you're going to if you're in achievement mode, competitive mode, like many of us are who work in corporate structures, then when you go to a green community, there are gonna be different kinds of conflictual things that are going to happen and different sets of expectations and needs and feelings that are gonna arise.

When you're moving from, let's say an orange personal thing into a group which is which is green. I remember when I went from working in Silicon valley a hundred hours a week to living in a commune in a six by six shed with no heater, electricity, my life was very different and I had a lot of different underlying needs that happened, but you could see that every person who put themselves into this communal thing had a bit of a struggle from whatever level that they're on, you know?

This is actually also, by the way, these I'll just mentiJuanon this in passing so that I get to the next slide. That better explains what you're talking about, and hopefully will speak to the discussions that we had the other day as well around this the story, and might help you to understand what we were talking about. Then spirals a blog is a, is a great website that actually explains many different things. This is the website for the community that has those Wednesdays 5:00 PM spiral discussions. We'll be making the videos. You should read some of these things.

(AQAL) All Quadrants, All Levels Spiral

(00:31:04) Durgadas: Tthe reason why I like this and prefer this particular model to almost anything else is because the placement of the individual work in terms of their internal concerns, which are in the upper left. Then the relationships, norms, boundaries, and customs, which are in the bottom left hand corner. Then the social system that we create on the basis of where all these different groups are. For example, you could say in many ways that the discord is like a part of the organism.

It's a way that the different people who are organically connected are going to relate to each other. What basically we do is we place ourselves wherever we're coming from in terms of where we find ourselves. I would say that this community in general is a green pluralistic moving.

A lot of times what'll happen is especially groups will tend to organize themselves on a bit of a chord. That is to say a group of different colors together, which I would say for the tech token engineering community would be the scientific, rational pluralistic, and in integral side of this picture. I could say for example, like the underlying need that everybody has around this token engineering community is to make sure that we have, what, what I'm thinking about here is the onboarding group.

We can onboard people, but also, sorry, I'm looking down through the, yeah, sorry, the, the credentials aspect of what we have going on. We have the praise system, we have the credential system, and that is a set of visible societal structures and the outcome of those things, which are applied to the individuals in the group that make it so that they would meet the cultural and worldview.

Everybody has a need for security within the, the situation that we're in here. The, we would make sure that we are dealing with credentials in such a way, and that people get a certain amount of praise and that people are socially acknowledged right. In the pluralistic scientific, rational, integral way that we express ourselves in the community.

(00:34:35) Durgadas: so hopefully that's a, that answers your question.

(00:34:39) Speaker 3: Maybe, maybe I can just under score score how well this fits really. Also it's not about tech, but actually the whole token space crypto space, right. If you remember, we started with founding teams, and right now everyone is trying to grapple with how to decentralize truly, right.

We have these people freaking out from scientific, rational. We just need to program and optimize all the thing, tokenize everything. The humanist stuff will just cancel itself out this scientific, rational, and on global scale what could go wrong. Right? And for example, especially with common stack, actually doing the cultural build and really taking care that we become pluralistic. That's, that's what I see now.

Had brought so many different values, different worldviews. And at first it was a bit of clash for personally, like and actually seeing this biodynamics and just being able to locate yourself and just that's right. Think about it. It's super helpful. Also, I mean, one can even think about how this could be embedded into models, embedded into computer edits, governance, toolkits, et cetera, super helpful.

(00:36:18) Durgadas: Well, and I will say myself and Tristan, the guy who's running the spirals.blog thing and writing most of the articles, he's also a computer person and is involved. So, and I'm trying to work with M and Fabian too. In this way, and also we're trying to design Sean's company around this. When we're doing all of our strategic stuff, we're all doing it using literally this thing in front of you, so that we can understand where each employee is coming from. The top left side of this picture.

Part of the challenge that I have for all of you who are in this group is to, if you're going to have conflicts, you need to be able to understand where you're coming from and then understand that the conflict might exist between your putting this eye down into the culture of a group where your, your blue way of thinking, let's say might be clashing with the pluralistic side of the way that we're operating.

You can also see that some of the growing pains of the community itself might create a internal conflict among the participants by trying to push us from the scientific, rational, the pluralistic. So, by being able to locate where we are individually, and as a group, it provides a lot of ability to not make an enemy image, either out of yourself or the person you might be having a temporary conflict with, or with some of the structural problems that exist within the community.

For example, many times I feel completely lost in this community. I don't know what the large part of the world view is. As somebody who's in this turquoise, this outside harmonic, holistic self thinking, it's a constant stress for me to not know that because I, it is really natural for me to think about things in terms of the super big picture.

It is almost a fundamental conflict for me to exist in this structure without really knowing the overall view on the other hand, being in the, in the turquoise way of thinking, it also means that you're like, well, that's okay. I don't really need to know, and I can just accept where I am and that eventually I will figure this out. One of the other really important parts to this that I'll show you on the previous slide.

Understanding the spiral

Yeah. Well, and you can actually see that some of the ways that we talk about things. If you look at the blue, the blue thing here on the right, the word rules is used a lot in Ostrom's principles, but you can see that that is a very much a blue approach to things, right?

Part of the thing to understand about this spiral is, and it's super important to get this is that this is not a hierarchy. This is a wholearchy. The idea being that if you're somebody who is in orange, you're somebody who is transcending and including all of the previous colors as well. If you're an orange person, you're really orange, blue purple beige. You know, if you're a green person, you're a green, orange, blue, red purple beige.

At the same time, the difference between the tier two thinking folks who are in the turquoise and yellow side of the picture versus the people who are in the tier one, thinking the tier one to tier two question is also a source of potential conflict, because the people who are in the tier two thinking are basically integrating or including all of the previous colors, but they are free from them.

One of the qualities that can produce conflict by participants who are thinking in terms of tier one, is that the tier one thinker at a, at an orange level often thinks that greens are crazy. Blues are nuts, or know reds are just out of their minds and purples, what do they even have? You know, so it's actually a feature of tier one thinking to almost exclude the other colors and even their own previous developmental transcending and including things.

A person goes into blue by rejecting the red in many ways. People go into orange by rejecting the authoritarian blue. So, and the same thing with, with green green tends to make a big flatland where everyone's the same and no one's better, and there's no hierarchies, there's no nothing. and so I hope that some of that is clear.

Connecting Spiral with NVC

It is really deep model and I'm giving you just the, the bare minimum explanation of spiral dynamics. But the reason why I'm connecting spiral dynamics with NVC is because, and by the way, these colors on this don't really match with the previous colors is to the point of all of this is to hearing somebody to be an enemy. Because for example, they're an authoritarian type blue, and you're in orange.

You can, you can not turn them into an enemy by understanding that there is a part of you which has also got blue going on as well. There is a part of you that has red going on as well, right? And this understanding by itself will tend to push you up toward green because then it makes you a bit more egalitarian in your thinking.

I'm combining the spiral dynamics and NVC together, because I feel like one of the fundamental outcomes of people who really invest themselves in non-violent communication, both within themselves and then to others, is that is the not creating enemy images from, from people. In many ways, I would say that just since I got here by M and many others Jessica Griffin and everyone, I'm not a token engineer, I've done a lot of things in tech, but I've not a software developer.

I barely know anything about cryptocurrency. I'm literally three months into my, my, my tenure of knowing anything about cryptocurrency at all. Yet, somehow you guys have managed to find a way to allow me to be included in this group and to help with the cultural build as well. More than that seemed very grateful and gracious about what I do bring to the table.

It feels to me like it is almost an unspoken thing among the participants in any given DAO, I would imagine, but this group in particular, in my observation, that we're seeking to include other people, almost in a radical unified way, people into the community. I'm attempting to do is to give you a framework that would further that unspoken thing, and to make it explicit, trainable, and blocked out in sections and things that you can go into and learn and understand.

All of the subsequent graviton trainings in many ways will be contextualized with these larger worldviews. That's why we're presenting it here at the beginning with the expectation that we will continue deepening our understanding of this.

Now this, this evolutionary diagram is quite beautiful. When you think about it in terms of inside, outside in individual and collective, additionally, you can see that conflict could occur.

If you just take a look at somebody who's thinking of an individual and the context in which they're operating as a collective one may just be a conflict there just because their underlying need is different than the underlying need that the collective is putting on them.

Similarly, you may have a conflict between the thing which is happening inside of you, which is the left hand side, and the things that that you're seeing outside of you. It is actually the tension between the and the left and the right that creates one's own evolution along the colors that you see here.

This is actually brilliant that Juan found this evolutionary thing, and you can see how it moves toward the outside as you evolve along these, these different paths.

Divided \ Unified Thinking

If you take a look back at the stroke Myro of insight, which I mentioned about the unified and divided ways that the, the human brain thinks what you can see is that a lot of times we have these unified and divided ways of thinking.

If a person is approaching things from a divided standpoint, they're going to tend to have a conflict in when they find themselves in context of a unified system in the, in the spiral, this could be roughly connected to the eye and the we, and as I said, previously, as we evolve along the spiral, you can see how this conflict actually pushes you to evolve.

That actually will be talked about with some of the other theories of conflict that we have about conflict transformation, which is something that Juan will go into quite a lot in later sessions of this training.

In any case, I, we mostly put this in here. I did a whole talk about decolonization concerned with figuring out how to take the divided and contextualize it within the unified.

I AM THE PROBLEM: RESPONSIBILITY & FREEDOM IN A POST-TRUTH, POST-RACE , POST-COLONIZED WORLD. Powerpoint I AM THE PROBLEM: Responsibility & Freedom in a Post-Colonized World - Durgadas 2021 01 13 Youtube

I have on the left a link to the PowerPoint, which talks about this extensively with respect to the unified and divided and a video that goes through about two thirds of the slides in that.

Part of the thing to understand about the different ways of thinking, and to be able to contextualize it in terms of your evolution, in terms of where people are finding themselves here, contextualize it in terms of how an individual might be found in the spiral, how a person's feelings and needs and ability to make good requests and ability to make good observations is impacted by their own divided in unified thinking.

Hopefully you guys can see that the underpinning of much of the evolutionary aspect of spiral dynamics and how to address the potential areas of conflict that NVC is dealing with are seen in these two rough ways.

I'd really encourage you to look more deeply at this and to look at, at my PowerPoint and some of the detail that we get into about the, about the information that I presented to this couple.

Questions

(00:49:08) Durgadas: Now, any questions so far before we get to the next part,

(00:49:18) Speaker 3: One question about beliefs and desire beliefs and intention. You had a link there to an article, definitely will read that, but can you share, can you go into that a little bit? Behavior is not intention.

(00:49:52) Durgadas: So the reason I included this, because I felt like this is I included most, mostly relevant links to things that made sense with respect to conflict resolution and part of the, the fundamental thing about conflict resolution and the spiral in general. The reason why I'm bringing it up is that if I'm a person who is, for example, confused about my feelings and needs, and I'm confused about when is a demand, a demand and not a request.

If somebody just says anything that I ask for, even if I treat you in a bad way, you should just give me right. If a person's confused about how to not make good observations, and instead just goes just gives you a string of judgments what's gonna happen often. There is, is that they, because they're confused about it.

Doesn't and because they can't tell the difference between those things does not mean that they're intention is fundamentally right. It does not mean that they're, they're just a jerk

The point really is to break off a person's behavior from their intention, by understanding that the behavior that they're doing might arise from a confusion of all of those things that we were talking about before, about, about feelings over needs. They might not even know that it's okay to have needs, and they don't know how healthy ways to express those. Right. When you're a, Gravitant somebody who has to be able to see beyond you have to be detached enough from your own feelings,

In terms of somebody else's feelings and needs, and to understand their feelings, even when they don't understand their needs, even when they don't to make observations that prevent a person from reacting, with negative feelings to make requests in such a way that they don't feel that you're making demands of that. Right.

Often when you're making a request, if you can say, can you please make sure that you come to my party next time. You could say, well, how come you never want to come to my party? Or you treat somebody badly because they didn't come to your party. Do you know what I mean?

A person who's confused about those things is not going to be able to align their behavior with their intention. As gravitons not only do we have to do that, we also have to be able to see the specific feelings and needs, or at least be able to make an educated guess about what those things are underneath that person's confusion. Hopefully that answers your question.

More on Divided\Unified

(00:53:31) Juan Carlos: I want participate. Add something to the difference between divided and unified thinking and unified thinking is based on understanding that there is no difference between the world we see, and our inner self that's true. When you see the other person, as same as yourself, you won't be able to treat that person badly because you are, you are treating yourself badly. It's the same.

If you have bad communication with yourself, you will have a bad communication with the other one. The key point of unified and divided thinking is to understand that the world we see is, is a reflection of our inner self.

It's a reflection of our needs of our, of our state of mind. We should have compassion for the other and for ourselves, because the way we talk to the other persons are, is the same way that we talk to ourselves.

We need to be very careful with the words we use to communicate. I would love to see the, the explanation that is in the next slide about that, because when you understand that, right and left are just like both ends of the same thing. When you are in the right, you can push to the left. When you are in the left, you can push to the right. That way you can like, overcome the dualities that you see in the world, by the unification of your, of the way you see the thing

(00:55:28) Durgadas: That's right now, there's a metaphor that I would use around exactly what he was saying with regard to, what do we consider to be ourselves. So, for example, it's very simple. Sometimes when you go up to scratch your head, you might accidentally poke yourself in the eye.

Everyone's done a dumb thing like that, where you go to do something and you stub your toe, because there wasn't enough mindfulness around what's going on, but nobody would sit there and yell at their finger for poking themselves in the eye As though it were some separate entity because you believe your finger to be a part of your self.

That is an example of unified thinking. I'm suggesting that if, if suddenly you find somebody poking you in the eye about something, or having a problem with you, or accusing you of something, or, or rather than yelling at your own finger to instead realize that your, your intention is to consider that thing to be a part of yourself.

Instead of being mad at it, or to create all of this stuff, all of the nonviolent communication framework, all of the spar dynamics thing is to give you ways in which you can find an approach that will make it so that you would imagine that the person or the system or the structure, or the leadership or whatever it is, would be considered to be a part of yourself.

That's the point of all of this, right? And so there are a lot of ways to do this. All of this talking is really just trying to find different ways that might re resonate with the individuals on the call to give themselves the validation that they need to adopt this unified way of thinking for themselves.

Tuning Into The Unified

Unified thinking is based on the understanding that there is no difference between the world we see and our inner self. And that duality comes from within our mind. “The world appears to you, as your mind is.”

This graphic illustrates the underlying principles of the mind which creates the duality or Maya, called Gunas.

With understanding, self-compassion and detachment we can turn the various strategies of abuse into health.

The final slide here is, is from the Hindu architecture of the mind. I actually talk about this in two of the slides. One is that this is both the architecture of a mistake, and it is the architecture of a solution.

The way the mind is described in Hindu thinking is that oftentimes when we're caught up in divided thinking, we have almost like those old clocks with the swinging pendulum going back and forth between the veiling part of the mind, the shadow aspect to denied self things that you're denying that are going on. and also swinging over to the projecting part of the mind.

There's another way you can think about this in terms of likes and dislikes. Now this, this pendulum swinging back and forth between the, the veian projecting power of the mine is called Vic shepa or the tossing of the mine.

What we're trying to do here in the gravity training is to give you tools and techniques to overcome this, and gradually move the mind toward the so peak way of thinking.

Now, if you take a look at the Jill Bolty Taylor, Ted talk, one of the things that you'll see is that she talks about the left and the right brain, the divided in the, in the unified, the divide way of thinking really in this situation is the Rajasic and the Tamasic, the projecting power of the mind, the veiling power of the mind, it's all the left brain.

The side effect part of the mind is the right brain. That's only thinking about now. As you're you progress along your path of understanding and self-compassion and inclusion, there are some side effects. Dispassion is one of them, and it's incredibly, you can actually use dispassion to grow your progress along this upward trajectory.

Then there's a couple of links in here. Also talking about the una, which is what these are called. Rogers and Thomas are the Gunas and my friend, Dr. Mark, mark Halpern, he's the head of the American college of Veta in nav university, where I used to live ashram is right next to that. The whole idea behind unified thinking is this is actually the way unified thinking can be created. and when I lived in the ashram, we, it had an effect.

We were taught certain modes of thinking that were more sodic. We were taught modes of eating modes of conducting standpoint also is going toward this sodic way of thinking and this detachment and self-compassion that you can use to break the cycle of going back and forth with this tossing of the mind is, is crucial in how we work as gravitons and people who are trying to resolve conflict. So, are there any questions about this, or Juan, did you wanna add anything to this? I know you really liked this particular slide, so I'd like to hear what you would say about it.

(01:02:18) Juan Carlos: Yes. That I read this amazing book that is called Kybalion, and it has 7 principles that are, are very related to this picture. It says all this mind, the universe is mental. As above, below, as below so above.

This principle embodies the truth, that there is always a correspondence between the laws and phenomena of the virus, of being like nothing, everything moves, everything vibrates, everything is dual and everything has poles.

Everything has a polar opposite, but, and unlike, and the same that are unlike and the same opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree extremes, meat. Then it says everything flows out and in everything is at, it has its tides. Then it says every cost has its effect.

Every effect has its cost. What, what I am trying to, to say with this is that there is this state of mind where if you see it from a unified point of view, you will be able to use duality against itself.

(01:04:10) Durgadas: Well, so what I'd like you to observe in the macro sense is everything that you see here, all of this explanatory stuff, all of these mental models, these are all exactly similar to what used to be called mythologies.

Mythologies are not just stories. Mythologies are stories, which they root to them that are, that have complex interlocking relationship based complexities to them. Just like this spiral and mythology actually is intended to introduce the person who's observing them to various approaches that one could, you could see the spiral in multiple different ways.

It provides about the different ways you can assess the spiral. Mythology is identical to this. Previous mythologies used to be used as a unified framework for imparting vast complex and contextual understandings for multiple levels of learner development and maturity levels along the pathologist of all the roles in individual plays.

This is an extremely important conceptual framework. The point of it, of having all these mythologies is exactly what Juan just said, which is to use duality against itself to create a unification. Now what this actually does is, and if you talk to subnet a little bit about my discussions with her and with Fabio, the primary thing that we're talking about Fabio and I all the time is how to use duality against itself.

Now, if you're talking about things in terms of conflict resolution, we're basically doing exactly that for everything. Everything that we're doing here around the conflict resolution cycle is to clarify a person's feelings.

If they don't know what their feelings are to clarify a person's needs, if they don't know what they are, if clarify, whether a person's making a request or demand, if they don't know when, when they're doing that, or when they're not to clarify when the observa making an observation or making a judgment, that's going to disconnect them or create more conflict.

If you misidentify your feelings, that's gonna create more conflict because you're gonna be caught up in your head rather than to have any sense of where you actually are. All of the understandings that we come up with use the, the duality and the ignorance and the projections against themselves to create this SOIC way of being in and feeling and thinking.

Right? so yeah, I, the using duality against itself is, is like the hidden agenda underneath all of these different things, right? Because what we're trying to do is create this unified approach, you know? And so I hope that clarifies that, and this, Hindu approach, I've got some links on the, on the other side to, to help understand how all of that works. This is not exactly related to token engineering, but, but this first thing is just all about how to contextualize all of our future work, so that we have an understanding of the real meaning behind what this conflict resolution slash transformation can actually create.

(01:08:18) Durgadas: Now, as somebody who has participated in a lot of nonviolent communication practice groups, I've had a lot of situations in which, for example, one of the practice groups that I had, there was just a guy in the N en hell outta me. I just didn't know why. At a certain, I was really scared to write up. After about eight meetings, I was like, look, man, you're just irritating and hell to me. I don't know why. I had to trust the process to, to have a difficult conversation with that person. and to have the group assist me in figuring out why that was so that I could overcome it. Then he was no longer an, and this is the power of inclusion. This is the power of using the duality against itself, the power of using the SOIC approach to something, to work against the hiding and the projecting power of the mind. I think this is the end of this first session with respect to what I have to say. I'd like to take the remaining 20 minutes to answer any and all questions that you might have.

(01:09:35) Juan Carlos: I want to compliment also on something and that this all connects with what we are going to see next week on the theories of conflict, because conflict is somehow like the expression of an ENT duality. How can we transform an toity that arises between two people into something that can be better for, for the, for both of them.

(01:10:06) Durgadas: that, and that's specifically what this evolution is showing, right? It's actually conflict that creates a person's evolution along the different colors.

(01:10:17) Juan Carlos: So it, it, sometimes we, when we hear the word conflict, we tend to like avoid it. Yeah. Avoiding a conflict is avoiding evolution. Yes. Because is expression of, of different points of view, it's expression of needs that are not met. An approach that we're promoting here is to see is to not go into conflict with everything, but see conflict with compassion, with, as a process that has a lot of knowledge in need. I am also going into this next session, but it's also a dialectic process, a process that comes from a thesis and antithesis, and then it a synthesis that it's like what we are seeing here in this, in these graphs.

(01:11:15) Durgadas: Yes.

(01:11:16) Speaker 3: That is super important because what we typically are used to and correct me if I'm analyzing too much, but my experience has always been compromised. It's exact to people ending up at a better place, they would have been, would have, would they have followed either one's approach, right? Yes. The compromise is basically both of them go to a worse place than if any, one of them had gotten their way. At least one of them would've been better. That's see this game theory quadrant connection. There actually a lot of connections that we will see to the typical things we think of are tools in the token entering, but one aspect one. This dialogue takes time typically, right? And the way we are approaching it's here is also not just let's just make some rules up. What do, when conflict arises and just write them down and everyone reads them.

(01:12:40) Speaker 3: And if someone comes and has a conflict, then just point to the rules and we are done. But really that we say, Hey, we're navigating. We know we are navigating a complex system. We're we are doing things that have not been done at this scale before all the while, while, while we are discovering these some basics, right. Also adding, adding new aspects to it, et cetera. I think it's a super valuable process. I think anyone who can add to the college management automation or any improvement side of this would be highly welcome to really think about it, how we can automate what can be automated. We actually take the time not to shortcut into some compromise solutions, shortcuts, things that can be automated. I don't know if you are, if you're also becoming more aware of that, like you cannot cast such deliberation with the what? Yes, no. What? Yes. We are moving really beyond the basics and if we can improve our ways using whatever technology gives us, but without I like what H Regus puts it always by really looking at what the medium, the technology takes away from humanity and not going for that compromise. It's super important.

(01:14:26) Durgadas: Yeah. If, if you take a look at the way, like, for example, just the existence of money by itself has an extreme amount of reductionism inherent in it inherent in the fact that we use this one thing to apply to so many different contexts, it, it also means that there's some human parts which are left out, which is part of the reason why I was in keeping with all of this spiral stuff, trying to talk about the different eight different kinds of wealth. I was super happy that in your data group, you created almost like a, something that included those different kinds of wealth in this nice Venn diagram. You know, so there, there are ways to take that. and one of the aspects of this is that I feel like this community is really particularly good at this thing, just because we're used to working at systems level thinking.

(01:15:30) Durgadas: And what I'm attempting to do is basically say, can we take systems level thinking and apply it to our cultural approach and to understand that the approach we're gonna take to our cultural thing is going to come from the evolution we have along these, in these quadrants and in this spiral. Right? And so this part is, is really important because if we don't understand how that relationship exists, then we're going to carry whatever unconscious, like, call it from the culture or from our own trauma or from all these things. There are more tools to unpack all that at each level, this is a unifying principle, but you know, if people have questions about this from a personal standpoint, I have other graphics like how does, how does communication happen between two adults, for example, and I'm gonna have another version of this document that talks about what, if you have a mature person talking to a child and and so on. This all can apply from a different context.

(01:16:51) Juan Carlos: I want you think it has been an amazing session and we all have learned so much. Thank you. I really appreciate the time and the effort you have taken to explain these topics and the depth you have gone into, even though I have had a short time. Yeah. It has been introductory. I would love everyone that to have enjoyed this, this session. I recall that there is a pop that can be claimed if you answer the three questions that are linked to that thought. I also would love to invite you to next to the next Thursday session. Cause we are going to talk about of conflict and fragility and conflict management, because this is a comment that I wanted to say related to what seven was saying. Is that if, if we go further in this training, we will also receive tactics and techniques to look for the best alternative in a negotiated agreement and also techniques to return to your optimal arousal zone. Because sometimes a con, when we address a conflict, we are hyper aroused or, or hyper aroused. Neither of those attitudes are the best or dealing with a conflict. If we are hyper aroused, then we're going to jail.

(01:18:32) Juan Carlos: We are going to say bad words. When, when, when we recognize that we can calm our minds and use duality against itself, when you are hyper hyperaroused, you will say, okay, this is not the moment where I should take a decision on this issue. Or this is not the moment where I should speak about my conflict, because these are all like strategies that as, as a science has been like studied, and now we have like these practices, and this is why we are having this training so that everyone of us can practice this skills in our everyday, and also helping in our communities. I would also LA love to receive some feedback on how you saw this, this session and how you felt.